Unbeknowest to many of our members, the names of our stormtroopers, pilots, and other distinguished personnel are teaming with hidden meanings buried within the letters. What do these names hide? Ancient Secrets? Undiscovered treasure? The keys to our futures? Maybe even the meaning of life?

Quite the contrary, the names are filled with amour, or in Standard Galactic Basic, with love. In the words of Matthew Stover:

“The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength lies weakness, one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars.“

So what exactly about love is hidden in our names? Let us take a look at our beloved Grand Moff…

K.A.D.A.N.N. = Kinky Adonis Delivering Affection and Naughty Necking

Oh, quite a nice secret in his name, right ladies? Not only that, his worth is several billion Imperial Credits, and he is still a Single Dark Lord… 😉

Also of note is Kadbot:

K.A.D.B.O.T. = Kinky Adonis Deftly Bestowing Orgasmic Touches

This is one quite open to debate, and this reporter will leave it at that.

Now, here is not the only one in our humble little Vast Empire with such a name bursting with ‘love’

• D.U.R.A.N.D.A.L. = Dreamy Untamed Romeo Administering Naughty Delights and Arousing Loving
• N.A.M.Y.R. = Nocturnal Amorous Minx Yielding Recreation
• F.U.R.Y. = Fellow Undertaking Rapturous Yeses.
• W.I.L.L.T.C.O.N.Q. = Wonderful Ideal Lover Luxuriating in Thrilling Caresses and Overwhelming, Naughty Quickies
• Z.A.F.O. = Zestful Adonis Furnishing Orgasms
• A.T.R.I.C.K. = Adonis Tirelessly Rendering Intense Caresses and Kisses
• J.E.N.N.A.B.E.L.L.E. = Jealous Exciting Nonconformist Nicely Administering Breathtaking, Erotic Loving and Lustful Embraces
• S.A.P.H.I.R.A. = Seductress Adeptly Providing Hot Indulgence and Rapturous Affection
• M.E.R.R.I.C.K. = Minx Exchanging Rapturous Recreation and Intense, Carnal Kisses
• K.A.M.I. = Knockout Adeptly Made for Indulgence
• A.R.T.U.R.U.S. = Amorous Romeo Tirelessly Undertaking Recreation and Unrestrained Stimulation
• J.E.R.S.H. = Jewel Exchanging Rapturous Stimulation and Hugs
• S.N.I.P.I.N.G.(One)(Zero)(One) = Sexy Nocturnal Individual Pleasingly Imparting Naughty Gratification and Overwhelming, Zones of Orgasms
• M.A.K.O. = Man Administering Kisses and Orgasms
• S.K.A.R. = Stud Keen on Arousing Recreation
• R.E.M.L.U.F. = Romeo Exchanging Massage and Lustful, Unrestrained Fantasies
• E.V.I.S.C.A.R.E.S. = Exciting Virile Individual Supplying Carnal Affection and Rapturous, Erotic Stimulation
• C.O.S.M.I.C. = Charming One Skillfully Made for Intense Caresses
• A.L.A.T.E.R. = Amorous Lover Administering Touches and Erotic Recreation
• A.K.A.A.N. = Amorous Kinky Adonis Administering Necking
• T.H.A.N. S.I.O.N. = Tantalizing Handsome Adonis Needing Stimulation and Intense, Overwhelming Necking
• S.Y.L.I.X. = Stud Yielding Loving and Intense Xperiences
• A.E.O.S. = Angel Exchanging Orgasms and Stimulation
• C.A.R.N.O.N. = Charming Amorous Romeo Needing Orgasms and Necking
• A.R.N.A.U.T. = Adonis Rendering Naughty, Arousing, Unrestrained Touches
• U.R.A.K.A.I. = Untamed Romeo Administering Kisses and Arousing Indulgence
• R.I.Z.Z.I.T. = Romantic Individual Zealously Zapped by Intense Touches
• G.I.O.V.A.N.N.I. = Gorgeous Ideal One Volunteering Arousing Necking and Naughty Indulgence
• G.A.R.R.Y.L.L. = Gorgeous Amorous Romeo Readily Yielding Lustful Loving
• F.I.N.C.H. = Foxy Individual Needing Caresses and Hugs
• C.(Three).P.X.(Two). = Charming Treasure Providing Xperiences and Touches
• T.R.E.V.O.R. = Tantalizing Romeo Expertly Volunteering Orgasms and Recreation
• B.L.A.C.K.O.U.T. = Beguiling Lover Administering Carnal Kisses and Overwhelming, Unrestrained Touches
• M.A.R.K.A. = Marvelous Adonis Rendering Kisses and Affection
• R.E.N.J.I. = Romeo Exchanging Naughty Joy and Indulgence
• A.N.G.E.L. = Adonis Needing Gratification and Erotic Loving
• J.E.L.L.Y. B.E.A.N. = Jealous Exciting Lover Luxuriating in Yummy Backrubs and Erotic, Arousing Necking
• S.P.A.R.T.A.N.(One)(Zero)(Six) = Sexy Playful Adonis Readily Trained for Arousing, Naughty Orgasms and Zones of Stimulation
• D.A.R.R. R.A.N.N. = Dreamy Amorous Romeo Rendering Recreation and Arousing, Naughty Necking
• T.O.K.I.J.I.N.: Temptress Obligingly Keen on Intense Joy and Impassioned Necking
• A.L.A.N.R.J. = Adonis Luxuriating in Arousing, Naughty, Rapturous Joy
• L.A.M.E.L.E.V.A.S. = Luscious Amorous Minx Exchanging Lustful Embraces and Velvety, Arousing Stimulation
• J.A.P.H.E.T.H. = Jealous Adonis Providing Hot Embraces and Thrilling Hugs
• T.A.L.O.N. = Tantalizing Adonis Luxuriating in Orgasms and Necking
• R.O.G.U.E.B.O.Y. = Romantic One Gladly Undertaking Erotic Backrubs and Overwhelming Yeses
• S.A.P.H.I.R.A. = Seductress Adeptly Providing Hot Indulgence and Rapturous Affection
• C.A.S.C.A. = Charming Adonis Supplying Caresses and Affection
• M.A.X. F.A.G.R.O.N. = Marvelous Adonis Xuberantly Furnishing Arousing Gratification and Rapturous, Overwhelming Necking
• A.P.H.A.M.O.S. = Amorous Playful Hunk Adeptly Made for Orgasms and Stimulation
• L.E.O.N. = Lover Exchanging Orgasms and Necking
• D.E.J.A.N. T.U.C.O. = Dreamy Exciting Jewel Administering Naughty Touches and Unrestrained, Carnal Orgasms
• J.O.A.M.E.R. = Jewel Offering Arousing Massage and Erotic Recreation
• D.E.C.E.M.B.R.I.S.T. = Dreamy Exciting Casanova Expertly Made for Breathtaking, Rapturous Indulgence and Sensual Touches
• W.I.C.K.E.T. = Wonderful Individual Conferring Kisses and Erotic Touches
• H.E.L.L.K.I.T.E. = Handsome Exciting Lover Luxuriating in Kisses and Intense, Thrilling Embraces
• R.I.K.E. M.A.L.E.N. = Romantic Ideal Knockout Expertly Made for Arousing Loving and Erotic Necking
• S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H. S.A.M. = Sexy Amorous Nonconformist Deftly Winning Intense Caresses and Hot, Sensually Affectionate Man
• G.K.(Eight)(Seven)(Four). = Gorgeous Knockout Exchanging Stimulation and Fantasies
• I.S.A.D.O.R.A. = Ideal Seductress Adeptly Delivering Orgasms and Rapturous Affection
• V.E.R.L.O.C.K. = Virile Exciting Romeo Luxuriating in Orgasms and Carnal Kisses
• L.U.C.K.Y.S.T.A.R. = Luscious Untamed Cutie Keen on Yummy Stimulation and Thrilling, Arousing Recreation
• T.A.N.U.S. = Tantalizing Adonis Needing Unrestrained Stimulation
• A.L.E.I.A. = Amorous Lover Exchanging Intense Affection
• J.A.D.E.N. = Jealous Adonis Deftly Exchanging Necking
• T.O.M.A.S. = Tantalizing One Made for Arousing Stimulation
• D.H.A.R. L.E.T.H. = Dreamy Handsome Adonis Readily Luxuriating in Erotic Touches and Hugs
• D.A.N.T.E. = Dreamy Adonis Needing Touches and Embraces
• S.H.A.Z.A.M. = Sexy Handsome Adonis Zealously Administering Massage
• H.A.S.H.I. = Hunk Administering Sensual Hot Indulgence
• K.A.N.D.E.R.I.N. = Kinky Adonis Needing Delightful Embraces and Rapturous, Intense Necking
• L.K.(Four)(Eight)(Six) = Lover Keen on Fantastic Erotic Stimulation
• K.R.I.U.S. = Kinky Romeo Incomparably Undertaking Stimulation
• C.Y.L.E.A.F. = Charming Your Lover Exchanging Arousing Fantasies
• R.I.Q.I.M.O. = Romantic Individual Qualified for Intense Massage and Orgasms
• O.R.O.B.O.S. = One Rendering Orgasms and Breathtaking, Overwhelming Stimulation

Why stop with current members? Let us look into a few of our past ones…

• R.I.E.L. F.U.R.Y. = Romantic Individual Exchanging Lustful Fantasies and Unrestrained, Rapturous Yeses
• E.X.A.R. K.U.N. = Exciting Xhibitionist Adeptly Rendering Kisses and Unrestrained Necking
• R.A.X.E.N. = Romantic Adonis Xuberantly Exchanging Necking
• D.A.R.K.H.A.W.K. = Dreamy Amorous Romeo Keen on Hugs and Arousing, Warm Kisses
• S.T.O.N.E.F.I.S.H. = Sexy Tantalizing One Needing Erotic Fantasies and Intense, Sensual Hugs
• M.E.G.A.D.E.T.H. = Man Expertly Giving Arousing Delights and Erotic, Thrilling Hugs
• S.T.O.R.M.I.E. = Stud Tirelessly Offering Rapturous Massage and Intense Embraces
• G.A.R.E.T. = Gorgeous Adonis Readily Exchanging Touches
• K.E.E.F. = Knockout Exchanging Erotic Fantasies
• A.M.A.S.O.N. = Adonis Made for Arousing Stimulation and Overwhelming Necking

IRC nicknames…

• S.A.I.N.T. = Stud Administering Intense Naughty Touches
• T.R.U.T.H. = Tantalizing Romeo Undertaking Touches and Hugs
• S.A.P.H. = Seductress Adeptly Providing Hugs
• S.N.I.P.E.S. = Stud Needing Intense Pleasure and Erotic Stimulation
• G.R.U.N.T.Y. = Gorgeous Romeo Undertaking Naughty Touches and Yeses
• D.A.X. = Dreamy Amorous Xhibitionist
• S.A.L.F. = Stud Administering Loving and Fantasies
• T.H.E.B.A.R.D. = Tantalizing Hunk Exchanging Backrubs and Arousing, Rapturous Delights

Or perhaps we can go even farther…

• P.A.L.P.A.T.I.N.E. = Playful Amorous Lover Providing Arousing Touches and Intense, Naughty Embraces
• D.A.R.T.H. V.A.D.E.R. = Dreamy Amorous Romeo Tirelessly Hungering for Velvety, Arousing Delights and Erotic Recreation
• Y.O.D.A. = Yearner Offering Delights and Affection
• T.A.R.K.I.N. = Tantalizing Adonis Rendering Kisses and Intense Necking
• L.U.K.E. S.K.Y.W.A.L.K.E.R. = Lover Undertaking Kisses and Embraces, Sexy and Kinkily Yearning to Willingly Administer Lustful Kisses and Erotic Recreation
• O.B.I. W.A.N. = One Bestowing Intense, Warm, Arousing Necking

Well, there you have it, a glimpse at the vast amounts of love hidden in this Galaxy, and ladies remember that I am a Dreamboat Offering Caresses

~Doc

There is some speculation about Grand Moff Kadann having a man crush on Ewan McGregor. After some researching, this reporter is here to dispel some of the rumor, and leave a question lingering in your mind.

There are reports that there were several questions posted on Star Wars Trivia about Ewan McGregor. After some research, this reporter was able to discover the truth behind this claim.

There were in fact four questions asked about Ewan McGregor, not the character Obi-Wan, but the actor himself. They read as follows:

“Who portrays the younger version of a character originally played by Sir Alec Guinness? (Actor name)”

“What Episode I star was six years old when the original Star Wars film was first released?”

“What Episode I star is the real-life nephew of Dennis “Wedge Antilles” Lawson?”

“What Episode I star has been called “the biggest thing out of Scotland since argyle socks”?”

What was the answer to all of these?

That’s right! Ewan McGregor! Is this a hint to the true feelings of our Dark Lord?

You must be the judge.

There are also rumors that Grand Moff Kadann calls Ewan McGregor “Ewie” while imagining them roaming the galaxy together, crossing sabers with whoever stand in their way, but this is all unconfirmed speculation.

There are several questions that yearn to be answered though:

If this really were a man-crush, would “Ewie” be our Dark Lord’s Padawan?

And is “Ewie” even worthy of our Dark Lords tender affections?

I’ll let you be the judge, but I believe that this is one piece of gossip that we all must keep an eye on.

(Disclaimer: This article is meant to be in good fun, and is not meant to be an insinuation about Kadann or his personal life. If you can’t laugh at this, or take offense, then you should seek counseling immediately or grow a power mullet and start saving for an ‘83 Firebird.)

Last night we were introduced to a whole new level of immersion into the Vast Empire. Grand Moff Kadann introduced to us Star Wars Trivia.

Who was the first character to die in the Star Wars Movies? How many lights are on Darth Vader’s stomach plate? Who was hiding in the closet for the shower scene in Episode III? (Ok, there was no shower scene).

If you think you know the Star Wars Universe better than the next person, there are plenty of credits in it for you.

Grand Moff Kadann is passing IC’s out like candy. One person won 500,000IC’s just hours after the trivia was conceived! That Trooper, who will remain anonymous, reported that it was the easiest money they had made since the JK2 Tournament!

One lucky winner got 1,000,000 IC’s.

The rates seem to pay at 100,000 IC’s per right answer, first to get it right.

So blow the dust off of your Storm Trooper Armor, stop using your DVD of Episode I as a beer coaster, and bone up on your trivia facts! You never know what question may make you rich!

Need a new AT-AT? Looking for money to start your very own sniper droid army (to protect your brand new refresher booth of course)? Well look no further!

Get in on the Star Wars VE Trivia at http://comnet.imperialnetwork.com/topic/8822/page/0/.

Hope to see you there!

Halo 3 is taking its toll on the storyboards. Young squad captains from all over the VE are addicted to this foreign drug, and it is creating a new style of warfare that the Empire is not used to.

When there is a problem in the galaxy, you can usually count on the Empire to send the “White Terror” to smash it. But how will we deal with a problem from another universe?

Endless brigades of Storm Troopers will do no good against the lure of Master Chief and his enviable army of distracted young writers. One Imperial, who will remain anonymous, reported that they love to play Halo 3, and even though they get bored with it easily, they must return every hour or so.

With so much time demanded of our leaders from this new “Cold War” scourge, how will the VE Storyboards survive this plague?

There are tumbleweeds growing in the storyboards, and as we all know, idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. There have even been some new recruits to talk of creating their own sub-story simply to pass the time.

This reporter suggests that inactive troops start a war games storyline, or at least clean their barracks. You can only field strip your E-11 so many times after all, and building a useless army of Sniper Droids gets old, and expensive.

So, if you don’t want to create war games, or clean your barracks, or build new weapons, then I suggest playing the lotto, dabbling in the stock market, or heading on down to the old Imperial Center Store for some towels and cardboard tubes to cure the boredom. Nothing like a base-wide towel fight to burn off that extra idle energy.

Have a great week and enjoy!