Nov 6

VET Classifieds: Help Wanted

Category: News

Many of the members of the VE are barely making the ICs they dreamed of by being a lowly pilot or trooper. Thus VET has started a Classifieds where these peons may find alternative work to make them part of the rich elites of the VE.
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Help Wanted: Help Desk Operator

The Vast Empire is filled with many soldiers and the Vast Engineering Corps have opened up more job positions for their help desk. Available every single standard hour of every standard day, the Help Desk is reachable by the brave men, women, and gender confused aliens of the Vast Empire via comlink, hololink, datapad messaging, and in person. Ideal candidates would be able to respond to any situation in a bored tone, asking standard, indirect questions. And then respond with one of the 326 Standard Answer (Example – #211 – “It works for me”). Must also be able to redirect them to someone else that most likely will not be able to assist, but will at least make the caller give up and buy a new product and throw out the old one, thus making the economy cycle.

Benefits include being permitted to disconnect the console for 2 working hours, unlimited twinkies, free comlink and uncensored holonet access during your shifts.

Please send all applications through our help desk staff.

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Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master’s planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons. Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the Hidden Jedi Academy of Luke Skywalker.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot’s license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)

Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master’s plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens. Applications will be accepted until the end of the year. Transmit them to [email protected]

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Available Immediately: VET Posters (That is people who post, not pieces of paper)

The VE Today is always looking for more content for its readers and the creation of content is guided by authors. More authors supposedly leads to more content and articles. Thus simply put the VE Today sees the ideal candidate as word savvy with a touch of humor. Activity and dedication are large pluses, and if the applicant can spell and apply proper grammar, then they most certainly are well qualified.

Unlike many news presses, the VE Today does not put its authors to an excessive caffeine loaded grind, although they would love to see them in such a state. Also, all authors receive free article advice on Carpel Tunnel Syndrome as they may be at risk if they manage VE Today as well as their normal trooper or pilot duties.
Payment starts out at a mere 5 ICs a word, but with a steady penning hand, you can quite easily work your way up to a thousand (1,000) Imperial Credits per word.

Email all inquiries to [email protected]

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. Mako Sanguin November 9th, 2007 11:08 am

    Doc:

    THis article is awesome! I would like to add a position for an assistant to do my bidding, as soon as I come up with some bidding to be done.

    It would pay like crap, and involve menial tasks that could otherwise be dealt with by a droid. I may have to use the phrase “Handle my lightweight” at some point.

    I will let you know when I have it all fleshed out 🙂

    Great article!

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