Oct 12

Imperial Highlander?

Category: News

You’ve been there before, we all have. You’re hunkered behind a box, defending your objective from an enemy counter attack. You push yourself up to take a shot at the enemy position and you see a man running at you with a sword. You thank your lords for the easy kill and riddle him with blaster bolts and then get back to work.

But there are other times; time you’ve been locked in a hallway with the enemy closing around, one of your number runs out of ammo so they drop their gun, instead pulling a sword out of an unknown but probably moist hiding place, you offer them a blaster pack but they turn it down. Instead they charge into the enemy mass, waving their sword about. Next thing you know half of the enemy are decapitated, the rest have been gored on the end of your friends sword. You suddenly remember that unlucky soul you filled with blaster bolts earlier and you wonder: “What’s the difference?”

Well I’ll tell you what it is: Immortals. That’s right, immortals. Don’t laugh, it’s true. These beings have existed for hundreds of years, possibly thousands. It’s unknown exactly how they are given birth to, but we believe it to be something in the water. These beings exist in a constant state of war-fare with each other, constantly seeking others like them so that they may decapitate them and take their life essence for their own. According to ancient lore when there are but two left they will be drawn together and the winner of that battle will rule the galaxy as a god. Or something. We’re not really good at translation.

Now I know there are questions just bubbling out your little head. Questions like “Well then how are there so many in the Vast Empire, shouldn’t they have all tried to kill each other by now?” The answer to your impertinent question is: “I don’t know.” That is why we took it to the streets and asked a few of these immortals in our midst for reactions.

“Well, you see, we feel that the New Republic is really a bigger deal right now, so we’ve kind of put it off until the Vast Empire rules the galaxy.” Our first anonymous reaction.

“Look, there’s a few of us here and we can help put this galaxy back together, because once there’s just one left it would be a real bummer to rule over a galaxy at war.”

“I. Like. To. Kill. Things.” We’re not sure if this guy was immortal or not, but we liked him anyway.

You heard it here first folks, immortals in our army, trained for thousands of years to kill things mercilessly. Watch your ass New Republic; you might find a sword shoved in it.

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. DarNamell October 14th, 2007 2:55 pm

    You make my head hurt.

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