The VEToday has recently called in several probe droids that were deployed many standard years ago, some dating to around the first Death Star. Several probes even predate the Galactic Empire. Contained within the memory banks of these droids are the mountains of data that has been collected. Unfortuanately so much data was recorded that the probes began to overwrite the video files with only sound clips. This we have several years worth of sound clips and no video to help us understand what is going on. Many sound clips are even broken up and static can be heard in several places.

A majority of the clips are just boring banter between people or nature sounds. Some of the clips are much more… questionable. We’ll let you be the judge.

1. I haven’t seen him. It’s possible he came in through the south entrance.
2. Ten thousand?? We could buy our own ship for that!
3. Young fool… only now, at the end, do you understand
4. I don’t care what you smell, just get in there you big lug!
5. She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.
6. Even I get boarded sometimes.
7. They came from… behind!
8. [static] lets blow this thing [static]
9. credits will do fine
10. Pull out Wedge, you’re not going to do much good back there.
11. Look at the size of that thing
12. I’m not afraid … Oh, you will be. You will
13. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it
14. It’s no good down here, I can’t maneuver!
15. “Goooooooooooooooooood….” *hissssss* “Gooooooooooooooooood….”
16. There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.
17. Stabilize your rear deflectors… Watch for enemy fighters.
18. Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-wan has taught you well.
19. You came in [static] -ing?
20. Stay on Target, Stay on Target!
21. Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Needless to say, most of us are disturbed here at the VEToday, There are a few rare reporters smiling strangely at some of the comments. I made a mental note to avoid them. Laughter is fine, but that look… *shudder*

Anyways, Imperial Intelligence has analyzed each sound clip and compared them to accurate historical files, we have determined the following:

1. Rebel soldier in Hoth Base -> to Princess Leia on trying to find the entryway Luke used on Hoth. The context of the entryway is questionable.
   
2. Luke Skywalker -> Obviously outraged at the prices of the Jawa “entertainers.”
3. Emperor Palpatine -> We have no desire to determine what he means by “end”
4. Han Solo -> Once again, we didn’t ask
5. Han Solo -> We sure hope he was talking about his ship.
   
6. Han Solo -> We had to run in circles for 5 days to get that image out of our heads
   
7. Gold 5 -> We think there was something wrong with that
   
8. Han Solo -> You can figure this one out
   
9. Qui Gon Jinn -> Trying to get the prostitute to accept his form of credits most likely. Although jedi were forbidden to love, nothing forbid the other thing
   
10. Luke Skywalker -> “Pull out” and “back there” says it all
    
11. Luke Skywalker -> Do we have to explain this one?
    
12. Luke Skywalker and Yoda -> It can explain itself
    
13. Obi Wan Kenobi -> Passing on a family item… the vibration like noise that came after was not reassuring
    
14. Gold Leader -> That is wrong.
    
15. Lord Vader -> We are not quite sure what cybernetic enhancements he got
    
16. Han Solo -> No comment
    
17. Gold Leader -> Watch you hole in other words. Perv.
    
18. Count Dooku -> We skipped this one
    
19. Princess Leia -> emphasis on the second word
    
20. Gold Leader -> So wrong. Did we mention Gold Leader is a perv yet?
    
21. Princess Leia -> We are starting to think Leia might have been around the block
    

In addition, only one probe droid was able to provide us with an image. The sound clip that comes with it scares the living jeepeers out of us:

“and now, princess, we will discuss the location of your rebel base” *thwrum thwruuum thwruuuuum*

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