Archive for December 2nd, 2007

Crisis on the moon of Endor

December 02nd, 2007 | Category: News

Crisis on the moon of Endor 


The Ewoks located on the moon of Endor are at risk. Their trees are being cut down and the wood used by the republic for Vantansee furniture. 

The Big Sale on Vantansee products ends next week. For further information please contact your nearest store. 

The Ewoks are losing there homes. Some tribes are forced to live on ground level were they are eaten by larger woodland animals. How long must they endure this sort of treatment. when will the republic lumberjacks be stopped? Unless something is done the Ewoks face extinction. 

For only ten Republic Credits a month you can help save these Ewoks. For a further Ten credits we will send you some footage of the crisis. 

For another ten credits we will send you some more footage of Ewoks falling out of there homes in the trees. Funny stuff….. You can prevent this from happening. Just send your name and first payment to the newly founded PACE (Protection Against the Cruelty to Ewoks). 


When we questioned to there spokesman, here’s what he had to say. 

“The Ewoks can’t defend themselves. All they have against those machines are twigs and sticks. How can you look at them being cut from their trees and laugh?” 

We were able to answer this question with a vote from the public. The favored answer was, “Sit back, grab some popcorn and laugh,” with 86 percent of the voters choosing this answer. 

5 percent said they recorded it and watched it over and over. 

And 9 percent said they thought it was horrible and were going to take action. 

Also the new PACE is now supported by the Vast Empire. It seems the planet does not only provide vast amounts of wood but other resources. Apparently the removing of these resources is also harming the Ewoks. Should they be stopped that would be one less source of materials for the Republic. Of course we can’t be sure but it seems the most logical reason for their support of the PACE…. right?                                                                               

                                                                                    [Message Ends Abruptly]


                                             [We are suffering]

                                             [Thecnical difficulties..]

                                              [em… Everythings ok]





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